PUSHING THE BOUNDARIES OF BONDAGE

Couples enjoy S&M in part because it lets them explore new roles and visit different places with each other, as pushing the boundaries as far as you want can be an exhilarating release from the routine.

 

But why is bondage so alluring? We’re into bondage for a variety of reasons. Play-struggling against restraints can build an exciting adrenaline rush, while being blindfolded heightens the senses in the rest of the body. Think of all the times you’ve closed your eyes during a massage – feels much better, right?

 

What is bondage?

Well, the B in BDSM involves consensually tying, binding, or restraining a partner for erotic, aesthetic and/or somatosensory (tactile) stimulation. But how do you introduce something that conjures up images of leather fetish gear, gimp masks and twisted rope, into a bedroom that rarely hosts anything riskier than Reverse Cowgirl?

 

Drop some hints…

Many people are put off experimenting with bondage because they don’t know how to approach the subject with their partner. Try getting ahold of some erotic fiction, or maybe a DVD to watch in the comfort of your own home. That’s the very first step, before you even look at products. Plant the seed in your partner’s mind that it might be something you want to try.

 

Don’t be put off by misconceptions about bondage…

Bondage has something of a reputation, but it can actually be a very romantic way of enhancing a relationship. Beginner’s bondage is like the korma of fetish play. And just because you’ve tried something once, that doesn’t mean you have to keep trying if you don’t like it.

 

Trust and communication is key… 

Bondage bedroom games require and imply a surrender of control, by the restrained partner to the active partner. It is important to establish a safety word before you begin: It means everyone knows that there’s complete trust in the scenario, and you know that just saying one word will stop play immediately.

 

The concept of a safety word can be daunting: Some people who are complete novices might think, “If I need a safety word, this must be some really scary play”, but it really isn’t. We have a safety word for all kinds of sex, and that’s usually ‘No’. But when it comes to fetish play, ‘No’ might not be enough because it might be part of the play, so that’s why we talk about safety words. You know that if you say ‘Pineapple’ midway through play, things are going to stop immediately.

 

This is where bondage and fetish play can even build a relationship and create trust. You’re giving yourself to your partner’ so it’s not just about sensation – it can be really quite romantic. The couples that stay together in the most enriching relationships are the ones that can be really honest. So, if they feel secure enough to say, ‘let’s explore what you really love’, one of them might say, ‘I would actually really love to explore role-play’. So, then it’s about deciding what roles, and then they might say, ‘can you be a police officer and tie me up?’ and it’s sort of like, ‘why not?!’

 

Picking a position… 

When couples are broaching the subject of bondage, they often feel pressure to label themselves as either the submissive or the dominant partner. Throughout experimentation, you might well find that you favor one over the other, or quite dramatically hate being a sub. But when we’re talking about absolute beginners and novices, I would say sample both at the beginning.

 

People tend to reference sub and dom, but there’s a third category entirely, which is ‘switch’, and some people might be a switch for their entire sex life. That’s just somebody who likes to flip back and forth, depending on their mood and partner – in one relationship they might always be a sub, or Saturday they’re a sub and Sunday they’re a dom. There’s nothing wrong with being a switch.

 

Be the first to jump in…

The best way to make something non-intimidating is to volunteer to do it first: ‘I might say, “I’m going to wear a blindfold tonight, I’ve got this great idea – I really want to try you massaging me while I’m wearing the blindfold”, and once you’ve done it, tell them how great it was. It’s almost reverse psychology. Show them what a great time you had while you were tied up, or whilst you had the blindfold on, and they’ll be gagging to try it later.’

 

Keep it simple… 

When it comes to bondage essentials, start out simple. Don’t start bringing in loads of tools – that can be intimidating, or overcomplicate things and become more of a distraction than an enhancement. Which is why blindfolds are so handy. Most of us have one lying around.

 

As soon as you block off someone’s vision it heightens all of their other responses, so they’re going to become really sensitive to touch. Bondage is this idea of heightening both psychological and physiological response, and playing with what your body already does. If you’re slipping a blindfold on to your partner and massaging them, they’re going to be really sensitive to every touch and get more pleasure from the simplest of things. If you don’t have a blindfold lying around, a silk scarf, shirt tie or a pair of tights is a great alternative.

 

Learning the ropes… 

When you’re ready to move into ‘official bondage territory’, restraint can be as simple as holding your partner’s arms where you want them. If you’re on top, try pinning their arms to the mattress. If they like that, you’re ready to take it to the next level. Suggest something like, ‘let’s do this again but maybe we’ll use handcuffs this time, and then my hands are free to do other stuff to you while your hands are above your head’. It’s the same with spanking – just use your hands to explore and see if you like where you’re going psychologically with your erotic play.

 

A good place to start if you’re feeling a bit overwhelmed by products is the Desire Bondage Kit which is included with the purchase of the Desire Bondage Fantasy. This fantasy was created to explore something new with your couple. You can now purchase the Desire Bondage Fantasy online during your booking process as well as any other of the fantasies that we offer on our menu. It’s all about taking baby steps.

 

Don’t take it too seriously – respect each other and take each other seriously, but have fun! If you don’t have a smile on your face in the bedroom then you’re not doing it right.

 

Source: Parts of this blog post were taken from https://goo.gl/cJ78Js