Couples enjoy S&M in part because it lets them explore new roles and visit different places with each other, as pushing the boundaries as far as you want can be an exhilarating release from the routine.
Why is bondage so alluring? We’re into bondage for a variety of reasons. Play-struggling against restraints can build an exciting adrenaline rush, while being blindfolded heightens the senses in the rest of the body. Think of all the times you’ve closed your eyes during a massage – feels much better, right?
What is bondage? Well, the B in BDSM involves consensually tying, binding, or restraining a partner for erotic, aesthetic and/or somatosensory (tactile) stimulation. But how do you introduce something that conjures up images of leather fetish gear, gimp masks and twisted rope, into a bedroom that rarely hosts anything riskier than Reverse Cowgirl?
Drop some hints… Many people are put off experimenting with bondage because they don’t know how to approach the subject with their partner. Plant the seed in your partner’s mind that it might be something you want to try.
Don’t be put off by misconceptions about bondage… Bondage has something of a reputation, but it can be a very romantic way of enhancing a relationship. Beginner’s bondage is like the korma of fetish play. And just because you’ve tried something once, that doesn’t mean you have to keep trying if you don’t like it.
Trust and communication are key… Bondage bedroom play requires and implies a surrender of control, by the restrained partner to the active partner. It is important to establish a safety word before you begin, so that everyone knows that there’s complete trust in the scenario, and you know that just saying one word will stop play immediately. This is where bondage and fetish play can even build a relationship and create trust. You’re giving yourself to your partner so it’s not just about sensation, it can be quite romantic. The couples that stay together in the most enriching relationships are the ones that can be honest.
Picking a position… When couples are broaching the subject of bondage, they often feel pressure to label themselves as either the submissive or the dominant partner. Throughout experimentation, you might well find that you favor one over the other, or quite dramatically hate being a sub. But when we’re talking about absolute beginners and novices, we would say sample both at the beginning.
Be the first to jump in… The best way to make something non-intimidating is to volunteer to do it first.
Keep it simple… When it comes to bondage essentials, start out simple. Don’t start bringing in loads of tools that can be intimidating or overcomplicate things and become more of a distraction than an enhancement.
When you’re ready to move into ‘official bondage territory’, restraint can be as simple as holding your partner’s arms where you want them. If you’re on top, try pinning their arms to the mattress. If they like that, you’re ready to take it to the next level. Use your hands to explore and see if you like where you’re going psychologically with your erotic play.
Don’t take it too seriously – respect each other and take each other seriously while having fun! If you don’t have a smile on your face in the bedroom, then you’re not doing it right.